Breeze sent a wrinkling darkness
Across the bay. I knelt
Beneath an upturned boat,
And moment by moment felt
The sand at my feet grow colder
The damp air chill and spread.
Then the first raindrops sounded
On the hull over my head.
Breeze sent a wrinkling darkness
Across the bay. I knelt
Beneath an upturned boat,
And moment by moment felt
The sand at my feet grow colder
The damp air chill and spread.
Then the first raindrops sounded
On the hull over my head.
It's June 15, 2017, a Thursday,
fortieth anniversary of the infamous day
the Mets traded Tom Seaver to Cincinnati
and they're still losing
I mean we are
7 to 1 to the Washington Nationals
a team that didn't exist in 1977
the summer of a little tour in France
with Henry James
in a yellow Renault douze
the light a lovely gray
the rain a violin
concerto (Prokofiev's No. 2 in D Major)
and I had books to read
Huxley Woolf Forster and their enemy F.R. Leavis
Empson a little dull for my taste
also Freud on errors, Norman Mailer on orgasms,
James Baldwin in Paris
Dostoyevsky's Notes from Underground Part 1
and John Ashberry tells me he is reading The Possessed
translated as The Demons in the newfangled translation
while Ron and I stay faithful to Constance Garnett
I went upstairs stood on the terrace ate some cherries
admired the outline of trees in the dark
and Rosemary Clooney
sang "It Could Happen To You"
and I was a healthy human being, not a sick man
for the first summer in three years.
I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth
and a silver knife, and a silver fork.
I would complain about it—the spoon was not greasy,
it tasted like braces, my shining access
to cosmetic enhancement. And I complained about
the taste of my fillings in my very expensive
mouth, as if only my family was paying
where did I think the rich got
their money but from everyone else?
My mother beat me in 4/4 time,
and I often, now, rant to her beat—I wear
her rings as if I killed her for them, as my
people killed, and climbed up over
the dead. And I sound as if I am bragging
about it. I was born with a spoon instead of a
tongue in my mouth—dung spoon,
diamond spoon. And who would I be
to ask forgiveness? I would be a white girl.
And I hear Miss Lucille, as if on the mountain
where I'd stand beside her, and brush away the insects,
and sometimes pick one off her, sometimes
by the wings, and toss it away. And Lucille
is saying, to me, You have asked for enough,
and been given in excess. And that thing in your mouth,
open your mouth and let that thing go,
let if fly back into the mine where it was brought
up from the underworld at the price of
lives, beloved lives. And now,
enough, Shar, now a little decent silence.